This FF7 Buster Sword clock prevents you from casting snooze

Are a Final Fantasy VII fan? Tired of oversleeping? Don’t want to use your phone as an alarm lest you get sucked into doomscrolling? Well, do I ever have the solution for you: a standalone digital clock fashioned after Final Fantasy VII’s iconic Buster Sword.

The miniature replica of Cloud Strife’s ridiculously large sword — specifically, the version in Final Fantasy VII Remake — is set at an angle reminiscent of how you see it on the game’s main menu screen. The time is illuminated prominently thanks to a display on the sword’s blade, and the materia near the hilt light up, too.

Image: Square Enix

If you like Final Fantasy VII Remake’s music — like me — you’ll be pleased to know that you can set five of the game’s best songs as your alarm:

• Main Theme of FFVII — Sector 7 Undercity
• Let the Battles Begin! — A Merc’s Job
• The Airbuster (a remix of the original FF7’s boss battle theme that totally rips)
• Aerith’s Theme — Home Again
• One-Winged Angel — Rebirth

If you want to get an idea of what the music sounds like on the clock’s speakers, check out this video from Square Enix. The sound quality doesn’t seem great, but it might be worth dealing with so that Sephiroth’s theme song is the first thing you hear every morning.

Before you get ready to drop some gil on the clock, there are a few not-so-good things I should mention. For one thing, the clock costs… $199.99. If you put money down now, you’re only preordering the clock ahead of an expected January 2023 release date. According to Square’s website, the clock only shows 24-hour time. And you better hope that the weak-sounding speakers can fully wake you up, because the clock is also missing a snooze button.

But, if you’re willing to wait, really want to own a miniature replica of Cloud’s Buster Sword, and are okay living dangerously without a snooze button, you might want to put in your preorder now. While you wait, perhaps your dreams will be filled with the classic songs of Final Fantasy VII — soon enough, you’ll be able to hear them from the official clock, too.